So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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