great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
