My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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