He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
