Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
