Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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