i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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