maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
