i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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