Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
