Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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