we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize