she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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