Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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