Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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