Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
