I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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