I'm jealous of your bromance
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
