No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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