I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
