The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
