don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just pee around me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
