chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
