he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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