I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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