i dont even know how to be here
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
