i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
