I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
