You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My life is pants optional.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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