can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
NoShamevember. You game?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
