..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she looked like the before picture.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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