there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
