thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize