Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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