i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
