I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
