and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
