hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
