If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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