Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
