I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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