Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
