you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
