it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
