Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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