I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
