I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize