You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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