Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
