He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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