And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
