I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
