Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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