It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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