so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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