U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
