oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
