Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize