I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
