You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
