question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
