when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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