quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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