'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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