Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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