just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
