I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
