That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
