The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
