Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
