The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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