Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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