Welp...herpes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
