My nipple is on Facebook.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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