he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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